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Billionaire backs boondoggle bridge

by Phillip Manning ~ April 1st, 2014

Talkeetna is literally the end of the road, and many residents are keen to keep it that way.  If one billionaire has his way, however, that may no longer be the case.

Recently, the State of Alaska has been approached by a private investor who wants to connect the villages of Talkeetna and Trapper Creek by building a bridge over the Susitna River.

Anonymous sources have told KTNA that Warren Buffet is willing to spend millions on the project.  A source within Buffet’s investment firm, Berkshire Halfway, says, “We’ll show them what a real ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ looks like!”  

When asked the purpose of the bridge, the spokesman, who was not authorized to speak to the media, said that it would allow a golden opportunity for the community to oppose a project, especially if plans for the Susitna-Watana Hydroelectric Project fall through.  The source says that they know the bridge is impractical, would harm fish habitat, and could pose a real risk for people reenacting scenes from Pirates of Penzance on jetboats, but that they’re pretty sure they can get permitting approved.

It should be noted that, despite similarities in name, Warren Buffet is no relation to Warren Buffett.  Instead of market maneuvering and venture capitalism, Buffet has made his fortune with a successful chain of all-you-can-eat restaurants.

If all goes to plan, construction is scheduled to begin on April 1st, 2015.

3 Responses to Billionaire backs boondoggle bridge

  1. Bill Was

    There’s a line someplace in that story about offering to sell someone a bridge…!! Nothing like a good ole April Fool’s spoof!

  2. Kalani Chong

    Phillip, you had me until the 3rd paragraph. Thanks for sneaking this one in.

  3. Carolyn Reitter

    Since I was working at Nagleys when Stubbs arrived, I know he was neutered, but it’s a great story. I was even standing in line for one of the kittens. Good for you Chief of Staff Lauri

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